You threw your keys at me. . .

For those who do not understand the hierarchy of a law firm. . . allow me to explain. 

There are Senior Partners, Junior Partners, Senior / Junior Associates, Senior / Junior Paralegals, same for secretaries.  But that's for larger firms. 

I used to work for a large firm.  I now have the distinct pleasure of working for a solo-practitioner.  Just what it sounds like.  One guy.  We also have an associate, but since we have just one, he's an associate.  Same with a law clerk.  Law clerks come and go rather quickly, usually staying a year.  Generally they are hired in their 2nd year then quit after they finish their third year to study for the bar.  And since we are not in a position to hire another associate (a job all law clerks want) - they move on and we hire a new one. 

So I'm the paralegal / secretary.  I worked for years as a secretary (see my previous blog to explain that) - and now I'm a paralegal.  And I have the degree to prove it.  :)  BUT, for this job, I'm more of a personal assistant.  I run numerous personal errands for Mr. Big and don't mind.  Generally, it gets me out of the office and on a nice sunny day, that's always a bonus.  (A double bonus is if I get to take one of his cars!)

Trust me, our associate and I "rock, paper, scissors" if our clerk is out, it's pouring rain / horrible snow storm, and something has to be filed that day.  I, generally, always lose.  But he has to stay and answer phones, so it evens itself out, I guess.  I try to convince myself of that as I'm running through the rain after I find a crappy parking space and deal with the line to file in downtown Cleveland. . . yeah, I got the short end of that stick. 

So, having said that, and keeping in mind I love my job (because I do) - I've been asked to run personal errands, this includes picking up the kids.  Two beautiful girls.  A teenager and a pre-teen.  Nice girls. 

One day, months ago, we had something due in Geauga County Court. . . which is way out in a corn field.  Okay, not literally, but just about.  No law clerk the day it was due. . . so there was no doubt I was going to take it.  So our associate - I need to think of a name for him for my blog - was working.  Mr. Big was in meetings or something of the sort.  I made all the copies, put all the exhibits in order. . . then waited for the Brief that had to be filed. 

Mr. Big called.  He was stuck in a meeting and asked me to pick up the girls.  No problem I said.  He lives out Geauga County way anyway. . . so the plan of attack was leave at 1:30 - drive out to nowhere - file the document, pick up the girls and take them to tennis.  Got it under control.  Shared that information with our seriously overworked associate. 

1:30 came and went.  No problem.  I can technically still make it. . . oldest daughter gets out at 2:30. . . younger one at 3:00.  Tennis at 4:00.  Under control. 

2:00 came and went.  Okay, now we have a problem.  I'll never make it now.  Well, I could file after, but tennis will interfere with that. 

What to do?

So I call Mr. Big.  Seems there's a problem, I explain.  And I explained.  So he scrambled to find someone else. . . and took it off my plate.  Big sigh of relief. 

2:30 came and went then 3:00.  I finally went into the associate's office and reminded him I needed to get moving.  No pressure. 

Sorry - total pressure. 
It was done - I got it copied and assembled with the exhibits - got copies out in the mail. . . and off I went.

Now I should have mentioned above - this is for Appellate Court.  So I not only needed a ridiculous amount of copies - but they close at 4:00, sometimes.  The jury actually is still out on that.  Some close at 4:30 with other courts - some close at 4:00.  I wasn't taking any chances.  I had to have it there.  There is no - "jeez, sorry, I didn't get it there on time. . . "

Can you say - pack your crap and get out? 

So I headed out - oh, I don't have enough gas?  Seriously?  I'll stop on the way back. . . because I'm not going to make it both ways and stopping now is not an option. 

I got to the courthouse at 3:54.  I am not kidding.  I parked and grabbed the documents.  The nice thing about Geauga County is generally, there is never a line to file and I never have to park in a parking garage - I just park on the street.

I looked up at the courthouse and can hear the clock in my head ticking. . . I took off running.  Now, those of you who know me - know I am a tall woman. Maybe slightly imposing in size.  And as I head up the steps to the courthouse - I took them two at a time. . . thank goodness I wore flats that day - and pants.  No heels and a skirt or I never would have made it. 

Steps two at a time. . package tucked under my arm - clock in my head ticking. . . ticking.  I reached for the first door and pulled it open.  There is a tiny entryway followed by another glass door - followed by a sheriff's desk and a metal detector.  The sheriff's desk contains computer screens which show images from around the entire courthouse.  And a deputy who is deadly serious about his job.  As he should be. 

Which means they (the two deputies) watched me jump out of my car. . grab a package. . and take off running toward the courthouse - taking the steps two at a time. 

As I ran into the entrance way - I threw my keys at the deputy sitting at the desk - as he started to stand up - he reached for his tazer.  At least I'm fairly certain it was a tazer and not his gun.  In a split second, I made the decision to run through the metal detector . . . . then in that same split second, the clock ticking in my head stopped and I started thinking - please don't beep, please don't beep, please don't beep. . . . .

Because had I beeped. . . I would have been tazed and I would have been reduced to a drooling, twitching mass of paralegal on the floor trying to say - but this has to be filed today. . . please. . . ahhhhhh. . . .

I.  Didn't.  Beep. 

He shouted at me but I kept running saying "I gotta file this" as I ran. 
I ran up the steps - again two at a time - to the third floor. 
The third floor. 

Man, I am out of shape.  I almost passed out at the top. 
I stopped at the glass window and tried to catch my breath.  I ended up having to put my hands on the tops of my knees and bend over. . . desperately trying to suck in air.
The clerk said - ohhhh, you just made it, as she stamped all of my papers. 
I nodded. 

I need to start working out again, or at least seriously lay off the junk food.  Probably both. 

Documents filed successfully.  I sort of got my breath and headed back down the steps. 

Huh-oh. 

The deputy was standing at his desk - STANDING.  Waiting for me. 
He had my keys in his hands. 

I said - I am so very sorry.  I had. .

He said - you threw your keys at me. 

I said - I know.  I'm sorry.  I. . .

He said - you threw your keys at me. 

Clearly, he was irritated at me. 

I apologized a few times.  Explained I was late and I promise it won't happen again. 

Who am I kidding?  It'll happen again. 

Next time, I won't throw my keys.